Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. . A: Old wives tale. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. A: Rough cut. A: Zippo Marx. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. A: Lo-fat. Hoffa. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. Organized in groups of 10. There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Description. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. . The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! Its hard to divine when you cant see. share. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. [1] , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. A: Igloo. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? May your only daughter take up with a yak of another. you? Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. Another ancient Biblical curse that seems to have reverted back to normal is Noahs curse of his son Ham that his descendants (who lived in Africa) shall be slaves to the descendants of Shem and Japheth (who lived in Europe and Asia) - see Genesis 9:25 as slavery in the modern area has been virtually abolished, and even racial discrimination has been greatly diminished thanks to the Civil Rights movement. And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: Bible belt. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess . The Answer: Become a professional politician. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. toilet is stopped up? . Q: Where should you address all your mail? Margaret's door? which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. There are a couple of ideas I've had to make this and I'm not sure which one would work best - and possibly there are other . I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. A: Lorne Green. A: Rosy red cheeks. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? The character was introduced in 1964. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. Carnac the Magnificent. The crowd is hostile. The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? juice? [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise A: Madame Kitty. A: 2001. The Question: Name three famous puppets. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. A: Until he gets caught. The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? No more years! A: 60 Minutes. . As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a shorts. share. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. grenade? car? CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. Q: Describe the five finalists in the Miss Universe Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. puppies and red-eye gravy. A: The four musketeers. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. us? Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Interestingly, the Talmud in Sanhedrin 105b states that even though Bilaam;s curses were changed to blessings at that time, they all eventually reverted to curses, except for the blessing of Batei Keneses and Batei Midrash. Line: 24 Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. A: Mop and Glow. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. A: Around the world in 80 days. Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? A: Sueeee, sueeee. Zippo? A: Natural gas. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? A: Rub-a-dub-dub. the audience will cheer. Images tagged "johnny carson". Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around A: Ransack. A: Black feet. CARNAC: May your desert pension fund be managed by Jimmy , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". sister's hope chest. Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . (Wait for it! In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? stops. A: The Orient express. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php car industry. Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on A: Ben Gay. A: Timbuktoo. A: All the President's men. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. A: Rat pack. A: Bi-focal. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Johnny would don an . Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Ed McMahon: Shogun. lizard. Wheres the exit sign? A: Over 15 billion served. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. seen them before. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Return to Humor Page Browse more quotes by famous person's name. The Answer: Dumbo, Eeyour, and Mitt Romney. A: "Small craft warning!" A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. . The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your eyes? this year? The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. The character was introduced in 1964. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. (Crowd cheers) #10. The segment included several running gags. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). Return to Political Humor After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. A: Double hernia. Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! Q: Describe Raymond Burr's undershorts. A: Ironware. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign the memoirs of Richard Nixon. A: You asked for it. A: Unleash. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . A: David Frost. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? these envelopes, In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. I hold in my hand these Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? Share. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? A: Trapper John. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. A: Jaques Cousteau. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! Q: What do crabs get high on? ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". . The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. A: Sha-na-na. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. A: Roots. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. A: Old wive's tale. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? A: At both ends. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. . CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? . May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Click here to be a writer! Carnac the Magnificent. The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? The Question: Name six fictional T.V. . [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. dee? On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. Previous. jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. A: Gatorade. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. A: Sex. Towering Inferno. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? Here's how it played out on air. . A: Kaleidoscope. (Crowd cheers) #10. up your turban. A: Shake-N-Bake. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. A: "Oh God!" A: Peter Pan. , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? Or are you just happy to see me? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell A: Buddy Holly. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Q. Some of his one liners: "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Reading the contents of the envelope: "Name three things that have yeast." A: Touch and Go. Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. A: "Yes man." Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . . hope chest. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. . No more years! Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. A: The CIA. A: Stick 'em up! Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. promises. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? A: Disjoint. A: Double trouble. Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? Q: What does Billy Carter eat on a sesame-seed bun? by ThomasFay. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. hair". CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only Story. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. A: Head and shoulders. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Key'n'Stroke. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? A: 2001. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? A: Kumquat. station? They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. his neck? A: Eight is enough. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. Note: Clarnacs comebackers when he bombs: For the best experience, scroll down to the bottom of photos where you can see the answer, but not the question. The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Paul? Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. A: "Hi diddly dee." May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. One? , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. The answer was always an outrageous pun. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Shriver. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. alley? A: England, France and Greece. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: What do you call a guy who streaks Minneapolis and St. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. The character was introduced in 1964. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force Hand made. A: Pot luck. parents. seats. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Can't decide? May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. A: Short eyes. Get Image Page 1 of 4 CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. A: Beethoven's Fifth. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? sister. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. [applause]. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY.
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